My Unmedicated Mind

So here we are, I never really thought that I would be writing for this blog. Although I do have ADHD I have such a workload for the other blogs I write for it just didn’t seem realistic. But yet here I am. I really don’t know what else to write as I have run out of ADHD meds and thought hey! Let's write for that ADHD blog we got going.

So I’m Spec, I guess you could say I am the owner/operator/director/whatever of OnTheSpectrum Media. Funnily enough, I have ADHD, who would have thought? Like many people with ADHD, I find myself being one of those that also have autism. You can read more about my life with autism here https://blog.anautisticauthor.co.uk/

I am also one of those people with ADHD that chooses to take medication to manage my condition. I take a medication called Concerta XL. Which is a slow-release methylphenidate medication. In other words, it’s a stimulant similar to amphetamines but with less of an addiction or abuse pathway when compared to regular amphetamines. 

Methylphenidate is believed to work by blocking the reuptake of dopamine and norepinephrine by neurons. This means that it increases the level of both of these neurotransmitters in the brain. For normal people, this could lead to agitation, jitteriness, and hyperactivity. But the funny thing is in people with ADHD it actually does the opposite. 

For many people with ADHD we actually feel calmer when consuming stimulants, even the “normal” stimulants we consume every day, such as caffeine. I often top up my meds with caffeine later in the day to help me stay relaxed and able to function. I stream every day, so that takes up much of the time that my brain is at its best from the meds. But, I had other things that need to be done, such as writing, reviewing blog posts, and creating other content.

I’m finding myself struggling today well I’ve run out of meds, which is mostly my own fault. My mum had been in hospital over the last week and it meant I managed to forget to order my meds. I guess even the best of us can fail at times of high stress and emotional strain. 

So what it is like to go from max dosage meds all the way to zero overnight? Well, it's pretty terrible. Not even noting the usual ADHD bullshit, thinking a mile a minute, hyperactive, struggling to stay on task. But also there is the onset of withdrawals. Many people choose not to go on meds for ADHD specifically for the addiction and withdrawal side of things. 

The truth is, I don’t think they are all that bad. Especially considering that most people won’t be going through the withdrawals very often, only in situations like mine where you end up without meds. So what exactly am I experiencing right now? I’m in some amount of pain, I have a pain disorder but my pain is always worse when it comes to missing medications. 

I feel nauseous, a little bit of sickness in my stomach, but nothing major. But the big one is anxiety, when I don’t have my ADHD meds I start to feel anxious, I am worrying over every little thing, I feel unsettled, I’ve got the jitters and finally, I can’t shake the feeling that something horrible is just about to happen. All of this is standard anxiety fare and in general, I’m pretty used to dealing with feeling this way. I do have generalised anxiety after all. 

I think it is easy to fear the devil you don't know, we have all seen it in movies, when people are unable to function due to anxiety. When they are shaking, cold, aggressive, uncontrollable. I don’t doubt that in some situations, withdrawals can lead to something like that, especially when you are taking heavier things. But for most things that someone takes on prescription, this isn’t really the situation that they would face.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you are in a situation where you need to take medication to help you function. Be that ADHD meds, antidepressants, painkillers, or anything, don’t fear the possible side effects. It's generally not like what you see in the movies. I’m not going to say it isn’t unpleasant, but it isn’t world-ending either. 

Thanks for reading, 

Spec.