Why I'm 'Bad' at cleaning

As a kid, I often felt things were unfairly expected of me. It took years of learning about myself to understand why these expectations were unfair. One such struggle was cleaning my room. I would be told to clean my room as any kid would be. 20 minutes later and it wasn't done, worse in fact. Thus came the ultimatum. So many more minutes, usually 5 or 10, and they would check again. If it wasn't done by then, I would get a punishment. So I quickly tidied up to their standards in a few minutes and avoided punishment. 

Was I Cleaning or Playing?

As the parent, it's easy to read that as I could have done it in the first 20 minutes and been done so much quicker. Maybe I was playing instead of cleaning, maybe I'm lazy. All these feelings that I am bad at cleaning until I'm forced to make it work. Fast forward years later and I realize my standards were higher than theirs, not the other way around. My wife is obsessive-compulsive about cleanliness, so she thinks of herself as high cleaning standards. But I can out-clean her, full stop. Granted I will take 5 times as long, but I'll get something cleaner than you can imagine.

So what was happening as a kid? Well, my process was different and so was my timeline. So was my understanding of what 'clean' meant. I was never content to just put a few things away so it looked good enough for inspection. No, when I went to clean, I made my bed to get a flat surface. Then everything that was out of place would be thrown on the bed.

Now as an ADHD kid, I hadn't figured out a good organization system (still haven't) and I kept lots of small things that other people might get rid of. I was known for scraps of paper everywhere where I wrote down that quick thought or idea. So after 20 minutes of thoroughly assessing every nook and cranny for anything out of place, my parents show up to check. Of course, they find me with a pile of crap on my bed that hasn't been put away, so it looks worse than when I started. 

The Ultimatum

The ultimatum comes and I quickly shove everything back into a temporary clean enough location. I shove and I squeeze and I fit wherever I can to avoid punishment. A few minutes later my room was 'clean' with nothing organized, everything barely stuffed on shelves and in drawers. Nothing has improved, but it looks good enough on the surface to avoid punishment. 

Am I bad at cleaning? 

I guess given how long it takes me to actually clean, yeah. I get distracted or bored or both. I struggle to focus long enough for even small chores. But the biggest issue is that when you get right down to it, I am more thorough. My brain isn't content to just 'tidy'. I break down the room into specific areas, sub-areas, tasks, sub-tasks, and sub-sub-tasks. When I get done, it will be CLEAN. But that 'when' is a problem. I struggle to do the normal amount of cleaning. I either stuff in a rush or I'm so thorough it takes all day to clean one small room. I don't have a dial I can turn to the middle and get a reasonable job done in a reasonable time. My standards are so high and my focus is so low, that I can't find that middle ground easily. 

Advice for Parents of Kids with ADHD

Some things that might seem like a lack of with an ADHD kid might not be a lack at all. It could be an abundance that just doesn't show itself within the expected parameters. I suggest staying with them while they do tasks they seem to struggle with. Pay attention and see, is it lacking for whatever reason, or can they just not do it in a way you expect, and their way takes far longer?

With love and insanity equally,

J.M.