No Straps for the Bootless
The Feeling of Being Lazy
We've all had those days where we felt a bit lazy, tired, and overwhelmed. Just unable to really pull ourselves up and get to work. Well those with ADHD often live with this feeling constantly.
We are overthinking, using our thought for things others do naturally, and getting distracted with what little we have left. Paying bills is overwhelming, staying focused in school is overwhelming, EVERYTHING is overwhelming. Add into that our issues with executive functions and life can be a monster of a problem and despite our intellect, it feels as if we are too lazy to get anything done. But in reality, we are often working harder than others.
The issue is we are overcoming such an ocean of executive function issues and overwhelming situations that we are just barely swimming. We're working super hard just to stay afloat, but only god knows what direction we're going and if we will have the strength to keep swimming until we get there.
The Challenges of Executive Functioning
From the outside perspective, this so-called laziness can be frustrating. Often those with ADHD are great at a lot of book-smart things like math and science. We are so smart everyone tells us, but then we fail so hard at basic life. It's not uncommon for us to hear the phrase "pull yourself up by the bootstraps". Today I want to do a small history lesson, though. Back in the 19th century, this phrase was used to mean something impossible or absurd.
"None of us got where we are solely by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. We got here because somebody - a parent, a teacher, an Ivy League crony or a few nuns - bent down and helped us pick up our boots." -Thurgood Marshall
Think about it for a sec and anyone can agree that grabbing your shoelaces and pulling up won't help you fly, though you might get off balance and fall over. The way this phrase is used now is to reassure people that with sheer willpower alone, we can make anything happen if only we try. Nike uses a similar feel with "Just Do It". And to some degree, they're not wrong.
Willpower can overcome a lot of things in life. But what if you have less willpower and mental control over yourself? I want to do well on my homework, and I want to be able to sit and study for hours at a time on sheer will, but for me, that willpower just isn't there. My ADHD impacts my willpower, leaving me with little to nothing to pull myself up with.
The Importance of Accepting Help
Even without the absurdity of defying physics and pulling on your own bootstraps, those saying this ignore that other people don't even have boots or have very small straps. The truth of the matter is that no matter how capable we are or aren't, at some point, we need to accept help.
We need to work together. If we can make sure everyone has a hand to help pull them up, if we can give everyone a base level of support, then everyone benefits, especially the ones without boots. Accommodations need to be reasonable of course. We can't expect every boss to be an expert in ADHD behavioural therapy just to make sure people can work easily. But we can expect understanding and respect, we can create awareness of those who don't have boots and make sure they have someone to help pull them up. We CAN provide necessary but reasonable systems of help for everyone. We NEED to.
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