An intro into the insanity of my mind
Back when my mom was pregnant with me, someone tried using a quantum computer to determine my gender, but in a freak accident, my fetus merged with the quantum particles in the womb and thus I was born with the extraordinary talent to do extremely complex things well while completely sucking at any normal human tasks.
Obviously not, but it does often feel like this. My mind can quickly form dozens to hundreds of scenarios/paths/options to solve a problem. I can 'What if?' any situation until the sun burns out. But ask me to get my homework done and my mind becomes a toddler, unable to stand and eat without help. As this blog continues I will explore many of the facets of my ADHD and how it affects my day-to-day life. And with any luck, I will have some solutions for some of them.
I want to begin with a basic disclaimer that applies to anything and everything I say from this point on.
One
ADHD is a spectrum of Neurodivergent symptoms, not an exact condition with set symptoms. Your experience can and likely will vary from mine in symptoms or intensity or both. Your experience will vary with environment, health, and many other factors in your life
Two
I am not a doctor, nor am I qualified in any manner. Everything said is my own opinion or experience unless otherwise quoted/cited.
Three
There is a lot of back and forth on whether to use 'disabled' or other terms implying inferiority to others. I don't follow the research enough to know what is best or most respectful. If the way I talk about anything here comes across as disrespectful, it is not my intention in the slightest. I say what I think, and I don't pretend to know things if I don't know. But I will be real with you about how I feel.
Four
This is less a disclaimer, but more a continuation of Point Three to give you some insight into how I will frame this. ADHD is a condition, just as being short or tall is a condition. It is a state of being. It is the way I am and how I work and tick.
It feels more prevalent as a medical thing because we think of the medicine used as more drastic, and in some cases it is. But think of any weakness or struggle a person has and there is 'medicine' to help. We just don't view it that way for other things. We like to think of treatment as only being the nondescript pill with some unknown letter or number code on it that magically fixes our problems.
There are many types of treatment that aren't medicine. And ADHD doesn't only use the medicine. There are a whole lot of mental health things and techniques that have nothing to do with pills we cannot pronounce.
So what is the difference? Well everyone has some strengths and some weaknesses and most things they are just normal at. ADHD has fewer normals. Most skills are either extremely strong strengths or terrible life-impacting weaknesses. There's very little grey area with skills and knowledge.
Five
So do I hate my ADHD? Yes and no. I'm not broken, I'm just extreme with everything. I'm very good at math and science, I love that part of myself. I soak up new topics like a sponge. Most things are never too hard for me. I can almost always rise to a slightly above-average level of intelligence in any topic because of how quick I learn. But ask me to write a single paragraph of my essay over again and I give up and drop out of college. That story will be in another post. I love how easy it is for my mind to organize anything, but I can't keep my own desk clean because design and implementation are two very different skills.
All in all, this will be a wacky ride of self-discovery for me and maybe whoever reads it. I will try to explain the complex workings of my mind in an easier-to-visualize format. I will attempt to demystify the twilight zone that exists within my brain. Some topics might lean into sensitive conversations and I will preface anything out of the ordinary with a warning as necessary.
Looking forward to providing some perspective for anyone having trouble with ADHD or a loved one with ADHD.
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