There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza.

 Anyone who read that with a tune, you now have an idea how old I am. Kudos for getting the reference. But today I really will be talking about buckets. Buckets and cups. So we have our physical energy keeping us moving, but mental energy is also a gigantic factor in our ability to do anything.

 I finally got to the point this past year where I knew I needed to get medicine to help my ADHD. Stress was high, I had 5 kids, work, cleaning, and online school. Just getting by wasn't enough for all I had to deal with. So I talked to my doctor and began taking Focalin. I don't take a lot of medicine so when I do it takes effect quickly for me. I immediately noticed a difference. 

For the first time in my life, I felt like I had some control of my head and it was FANTASTIC. But it was hard to describe what the difference was, so I had to come up with a way to explain it when my doctor followed up with me. Once I figured out what was different and what wasn't, a lot of things fell into place for me. Hopefully, you get a sense of new understanding as well.

So some things changed but some didn't. Focalin is directed to attention and getting a task done. Like many things, I always viewed this as one thing, one aspect and got overwhelmed with how big it felt and the strength of the impact. So just like getting the dishes done, I split it into parts.

So the basic premise: A bucket and a cup. Well, not 'a' cup, lots of cups. The bucket has water in it. The water in the bucket represents my mental effort, my mental ability to think about the task I'm doing and use my brain to get it done. The cups are the tasks. Every task is a different cup, and they vary in size. picking up a shirt and putting it in the laundry basket is a shot glass while actually doing the laundry might be an oversized gas station cup. To complete a task, you have to pick up the bucket and pour water until the cup is filled. Seems simple, but there's a lot more than 'just pouring'. Let's break it down more. 

The first aspect I figured out was attention. Attention is making sure you pour the water into the right cup, or into a cup at all. If you hold the bucket up with your hand and start pouring, you use your hand to stabilize and aim the water flow so you don't spill everywhere. At first, it's not too bad, but the longer you hold up that bucket, the more your arm gets tired, and the harder it is to keep it straight and going in the right place. That was the aspect the Focalin took care of for me. 

I was able to stick with a task and keep pouring the water until the glass was filled. But there was more. I noticed quickly that when I was focused on a task I would stay focused, but it was still hard to start that initial tipping of the bucket. 2 things were happening. First, I still had to decide where to pour. I still had to choose what the task was and commit to the pour. What has worked for me is making a task out of picking the task. 

Sounds complicated and adds more work, but when prioritizing tasks became a task, I could stop and say this is what I have to do next. then I was already halfway done with picking and committing to the task. But even then it didn't always work. Stress was able to easily overcome my decision and would shove the current cup out of the way to make room for thinking about my stress. There wasn't a good way to deal with that besides doing what I can to reduce stress in life. I know, easier said than done.

So the first was attention to controlling the pour and keeping it still. the second aspect is the decision/priority of which cups to fill first. Now the third aspect is motivation. Motivation is that arm and hand getting tired. When most people get something done, they get a hit of dopamine telling their brain good job. 

I don't get any dopamine hits for doing the laundry. I don't get it for the dishes or paying the bills or vacuuming the floor. I don't get satisfaction just by getting the job done. So the more glasses I fill, the more tired my arm gets, and I have no motivation to reenergize my arm. If my arm is tired, it's more shaky and my attention suffers. This is difficult to address. 

The best way I know is to find external motivators. If I get the dishes done in the hour, I get a soda or 1/2 hr of gaming as a reward. I remind myself that cleaning the floor makes wifey very happy and I want her to be happy. Or I wait until the last minute and get that last-minute panic motivator that is SUPER STRONG. Last-minute panic can hold my arm up for hours upon hours when I have to get that paper done by tomorrow. Is it the best paper? Nope, but did I get a 5-page essay done in 4 hours? You better believe I did!

Aspect number 4 is refills. If it was just one bucket of water, you'd work for a day and never do anything again. So there's a sink you can refill your bucket at. But this isn't some high-pressure sink with an extended spray head and local water heating under the sink. No, you've gotta drag your bucket over, turn the hot water on, wait a minute or two for it to actually be hot, then wait 10 minutes while it pours slower than you could spit the bucket full. 

You have to recharge your mental energy, and you can do little top-offs throughout the day or you can drain it dry then spend an hour or two doing nothing but waiting for the bucket to refill. I usually do the long drain and fill method, playing video games at the end of the day. Some people meditate or listen to music. Others don't and burn out. 

With distractions taking extra water from more important tasks, it's easy to see how I might get drained more quickly than others. I listen to music throughout the day to just keep a little bit going in the bucket whenever I can. 

An often forgotten aspect is the size of the cups. I provide myself conditions/environments that are less of a drain. I hate plastic water bottles with a passion. the cost financially and environmentally is atrocious. I gave in and started buying bottled water and taking 2 or 3 to work. 

Having the bottle ready means I didn't have to lunk around a metal water bottle, constantly carry it to the machine to fill it, forget it on the table by the bathroom, have to take a small break to get up and grab it, and then take it home and spend even more time washing it and keeping it clean. I drink way more water when I have bottles because it's just easier. Reducing the needed effort means a smaller glass to fill, and that means your bucket lasts longer. 

With love and insanity equally,

J.M.